This past week our one-year-old baby had surgery. The day was a long and emotional one for sure, but I wanted to share here about a special "God moment" from that day. It came right from our little Bernadette.
That morning, we left for the hospital at 4 am to make the hour long drive. It was a really peaceful drive to the hospital. Aaron and I prayed a rosary and chatted quietly while Bernadette slept most of the way. When we arrived to check in, they reminded me that Aaron would not be able to accompany me during the pre-op or post-op portion of the surgery (due to Covid-19.) Shortly after we checked in, they called Bernadette and I back, and Aaron stayed behind in the waiting room. The next couple hours dragged on and on. I spent the time filling out paperwork while bouncing her in the carrier, to keep her calm (it was an early morning for her!) When it finally came time for the surgery things got really intense, really fast. I met the surgeon, nurses, and anesthesiologist and went over my last minute questions and concerns. Then they turned inward as a team and started repeating things about the surgery that was about to take place, while the surgeon marked her surgery side with a marker. Finally they looked to me and signaled that it was time to take her in. I pulled out my catholic kit right then and there! I handed Bernadette a holy card of her patron saint, blessed her with holy water from Lourdes, and asked God's protection over her. Then I handed her back the little bottle of holy water, to hold in her other hand. A few more pieces of conversation between the nurses and doctors and it was "go time." As they were wheeling her away, one of the nurses suddenly whisked away Bernadette's things and handed them to me saying, "here you go Mom!" Here's when the God moment happened...
As soon as her holy card and holy water left her hands, Bernadette sat up (even though she was sedated with medication) and started yelling at the crowd around her. They were all a bit puzzled until I told the nurse, "she would like her things back please." (thank goodness for Mama Translators!) The nurse quickly apologized and handed Bernadette's items back to her. She took one in each hand and laid back down calm as can be. Moral of the story: don't take a girl's holy card away!
In this short encounter Bernadette had with her surgery team, I was filled with hope. Finding my voice has been an area that I've recently been more actively growing in. Because of the challenge I sometimes have to speak up for myself, I have become passionate about teaching my kids to be courageous in their lives, especially in their faith. This is why Bernadette blew me away at the hospital. In her little episode of protest, she stood up for herself, and in a way, for her faith. It was in this moment that God showed me who He was shaping her to be. At the age of one she showed me both her grit and her holiness. Her strength on this day reminded me of Saint Bernadette. I love how this saint stood up for her faith when thousands of people were mocking her. Saint Bernadette was brave, and stayed committed to God's will at all costs. She knew God's truth and she did not have to explain it, she just lived it! I often pray that our kids will have this kind of faith-over-fear in their vocations.
One of my favorite things about motherhood, is the kind of moment when God uses my children to teach me His lessons. This moment with Bernadette at the hospital was one of these teaching moments. Through my beautiful little girl holding her own, in a room of adults, I was reminded of the courage I am called to live out, especially in my faith. The Lord also used her surgery day to reassure me that He is always in control. From the "holy card moment," to the safe and smooth procedure, to the vision He sent me while she was in the OR, to the nurse who was reading the bible next to her as she was waking up, to her quick detox from anesthesia , and finally the practically pain-free healing she has been undergoing, the Lord is present! He is always there, protecting my family. I know this logically, but I struggle with giving my kids over to Him. I am challenged with letting go of the control, the outcome, and letting Him take care of them. This is why witnessing Bernadette's courage and strength meant so much to me. She echoed back to me that she is right where God has her, and I was reminded that she is his. Our baby faced a hard day, one filled with trials and discomfort, and she made it through with God's strength and protection. I'm so thankful He is her protecter, her provider, and her safety.
If you're a mama reading this, please join me in prayer.
Lord,
Thank you my kids! Thank you for blessing me with them, and for entrusting me with the job of loving them, caring for them, and raising them up for You. Sometimes I get so focused on this job You have asked me to do, I forget that they belong to you first. Thank You for the gift of this trial that has reminded me of how little control I have over my children, their health and their safety. Thank You using this day to show me Your great strength. Lord, I thank you for all of the strengths I see in my children, and I give to You all of their weaknesses. All of the things I think need healing, or fixing in my kids, I give to You. Lord, in Your perfect timing, please make them more healthy and more holy. Please give me the grace to allow You to be in charge of my kid's lives. Give me the grace to lovingly surrender them to You. Jesus I trust in You.
Amen