Today was one of those days. Everything took longer than normal: getting the kids dressed, breakfast, getting out the door, etc. I had to wake Adeline up from a nap to get Benjamin to his swim lesson. Benjamin has a substitute teacher at swimming (which makes things much harder for him). And then we had to run two errands. By the time we got to the grocery store (to pick up dessert for my dad’s Father’s Day dinner), Benjamin was crying and screaming that he didn’t want to go into the store. And so, he continued to cry, throughout the entire grocery trip. I must have had extra grace from God because I somehow remained calm as he leaned his head back in the cart, mouth wide open, crying. I asked him calmly, why he was crying, what he needed, if he could use his words to talk to me about it. He continued crying. That’s when I noticed an older man glaring at me. His eyes were full of anger. He communicated so much to me without using any words (something I wish Benjamin had been able to do!). His glare told me that my son’s crying was completely inconveniencing him and that I should be doing something more to stop him from crying. So, here is a letter to him!
Dear glaring man at New Leaf,
Hi. I have so much to tell you. I wasn’t able to talk to you in the store, because well, as you already know my son’s crying was very loud and longwinded. I want you write you a letter to tell you some things that you may not already know:
1. I am aware of how loud my son’s crying is. As his mother, his particular cry is designed by God to completely unsettle me, put me on alert, and begin adrenaline pumping through my body. I describe my children’s crying to people without kids, as all the sirens in the world are going off at once. It is very loud, very unsettling, and yes sir, I do hear it too.
2. I am choosing to let him cry. I believe that the 15 minutes I spend in a grocery store listening to crying is worth the lifelong lesson or my son learning to effectively communicate. I want him to learn that he is heard, that he is loved, and also that he must do what is expected of him, which in this moment was to calm down and talk to me about his feelings to we could find the appropriate solution. I think we need more mothers who are willing to do what it takes for our children to grow into healthy, happy, Godly, respectful, strong communicators, who know how loved they are.
3. I need groceries too. Yes, that is why I am at this store. No, I did not wake up this morning and think… “maybe today I’ll try a lovely stroll through the store while of my kids freaks out in front of everyone.” I actually didn’t plan this moment that you are unfortunately witnessing. As far as my kids and their emotions go, I don’t cause them and I can’t control them.
4. I feel embarrassed. Not for what you may think. I am not embarrassed that my son is crying. He is human, he is sad, and he is three. That combination of facts makes it so that at certain times, he is completely incapable of controlling his emotions. My acts as who he is, everywhere he goes. He does not live life to please others, or conform to social “norms.” He lives life freely and authentically. He inspires me in this. I am not embarrassed by him at all. I am embarrassed by you. I am embarrassed that someone could be so inconsiderate to a young mother’s struggle. I am embarrassed that your reaction to this difficult situation was to add ugliness of heart into a very hard moment for my family. I am sad that there are people whose first reaction to a moment like I had at the store, is to react out of how horrible it is for them rather than how they can be of help, or at least to look the other way while I get my groceries and be on my way. I am embarrassed at your lack of understanding and compassion.
5. Lastly, something you may not have thought of while you were so busy trying to make me feel guilty for my son’s emotions is this: it upset me too. However inconvenienced you were while trying to get your food from the hot bar, I was much more inconvenienced. Unlike you, I am his mother. Because of this, my son’s pain is my pain. I feel his hurts. When he is sad, I am affected by that. Motherhood is the most beautiful and difficult job in the world. I am honored by God to have two little people entrusted to my care. I love my children fiercely, and I also am completely exhausted from taking care of their every need 24/7. I am sorry that you had to go through a 15-minute interval with my children in your presence. But just know that what you went through today, is nothing compared to what mothers experience every day with their children. My prayer is that you will stop next time you see a mother struggling to balance her children, her groceries, and her family needs. I pray that you will remove the glare from your face and that you will think of her needs or struggles, and not just your own. I pray that you may even ask her “how can I help?”
Comments